David... (naruto_kenshin) wrote,

Last night...she said....

Yesterday I felt a different kind of pain. After smoking a cigarette I burned it on the "X" on my arm.

I wondered why for a little while but then it came to me like the surge of pain that the bud brought.

I like to feel more than I like to think.

I remember a long time ago when I couldn't deal with the most extreme of troubles and I cut myself... not in any suicidal sense, mind you, but just because this pain had to come out of me...and it did. Just some scratches made it come out.

PERSPECTIVE.... Imagine how god [if there is sucha thing] feels when a person kills themselves, how he must think he failed them.

Now imagine you feeling the kind of pain he feels, creating something that makes you feel pain, creating the most elaborate kind of pain. Creating that lil scratch.

HAH, Im not crazy, I'm not suicidal Im not demented in any sense, but just imagine....

I figured out that I like to FEEL more than I like to think. I have thought books and books on subjects that don't even matter, and furlongs on ones that do.

I would give anything to feel the pain of life more than experience it in my head, pondering every lil possibility, every insecurity....

I want to feel more...


Schools almost starting, back to the old antics, abck to weight lifting and running and keeping fit, thank god... summer gave me more of a lil tummy than I wanted. Back to the fitness center, another stress reliever. Another solution....

ready to go... lets go... I'm ready
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